CAPITAL CORP. SYDNEY

73 Ocean Street, New South Wales 2000, SYDNEY

Contact Person: Callum S Ansell
E: callum.aus@capital.com
P: (02) 8252 5319

WILD KEY CAPITAL

22 Guild Street, NW8 2UP,
LONDON

Contact Person: Matilda O Dunn
E: matilda.uk@capital.com
P: 070 8652 7276

LECHMERE CAPITAL

Genslerstraße 9, Berlin Schöneberg 10829, BERLIN

Contact Person: Thorsten S Kohl
E: thorsten.bl@capital.com
P: 030 62 91 92

Column: Ask A Woman Who Knows by Joyce Terry

Articles, Current Issue

Question: When do you know it is time to let go, whether in a relationship or friendship?

Response: For me, the short answer is when there is an absence of mutual respect. If the way two people recognize each other’s value, feelings, and boundaries is no longer honorable, then the relationship or friendship is not safe nor lasting. Despite what we want to believe, staying connected for the sake of being viewed as loyal, dedicated, or committed never produces favorable results. In most cases, it only leads to resentment and unnecessary pain.

Truth is, we each have at least one non-negotiable – a hard line that should not be crossed as it pertains to our emotional and mental threshold. I’ll unpack a few insights but first let’s start by tackling what most people are reluctant to acknowledge – letting go is rarely an easy decision, even willingly. What makes it difficult are the arduous steps we must take to arrive at what appears to be the end of something that at one time captivated our attention and captured our affection. Quite simply, it doesn’t feel comfortable to reach this point. In fact, letting go of someone can mirror the same internal effects as grieving a physical loss – heartache, emptiness, sadness, and reflecting on how different things would be if they were still active in our life. However, avoidance is not the answer.  

Take a deep breath and exhale.

Here we go. I’m holding your hand as I ask this: What are you pretending not to know? Often when we struggle to let go, it is because there is an inconvenient truth sitting quietly inside us that we would rather not face. Still, we must be honest with ourselves about the reality of a situation rather than delaying what is hard to confront. For some, romanticizing a relationship or fantasizing a friendship is a coping mechanisms that only prolongs an inevitable separation. This happens when we paint a picture of what we prefer rather than what is presently portrayed. For instance, if there is a lack of reciprocity, we make excuses for those we love by stating how busy everyone is, as if that is reason enough. In her book, Fighting for Our Friendships, Danielle Bayard Jackson emphasizes the fragility that comes with high expectations. She points out the importance of accountability and addressing disappointments as opposed to walking on eggshells. When our needs are not met they do not disappear and pretending not to be hurt is not a remedy nor should “keeping the peace” be used as preservation.

Another aspect to consider is when the attachment is rooted in fear of loneliness, change, or of the unknown. Longevity in a relationship or friendship can create a sense of familiarity that causes us to compromise, be complacent, or comply with lowering our standards. We become desensitized to things that are harmful or hinder us from being the best version of ourselves. There is some rationalization when it comes to staying versus starting over. Nostalgia is a powerful tool and can be wielded against us if we are not careful. Craving a comforting and memorable time in our lives makes us hold on tightly even if it is no longer that way – we refuse to loosen our grip, afraid of losing a precious memory. There is also the tendency to exclude certain negative aspects concerning the intimacies and interactions with those closest to us, likened to toxic positivity and hoping the good outweighs the bad. I have a cautionary mantra when it comes to acting as a relational revisionist: Remember the bond, but don’t forget the bondage. It is possible that something or someone was once good but is no longer good for us now. No need to dismantle or diminish the past. People, positions, or places that once uplifted us may now weigh us down. Letting go is resistance. It is reclaiming the freedom marked by untangling ourselves from anything that restrains or restricts us. The key is to differentiate what is beneficial for us to continue the journey in developing and discovering the joy of embracing new avenues to peace and prosperity.

Finally, it would be remiss if I did not mention that growth in itself is not always an indicator for releasing ourselves from someone, especially permanently – certain seasons make us sensitive to temporary separations. Drifting apart happens but may lead to realigning later in life at a better time when it more usefully serves both parties. To this end, be open to what may come back as a full circle moment. Take it from a woman who knows – when letting go is necessary, we must let go lovingly because we never know what or who we may need again.

 

 

Joyce A. Terry loves people for a living! She is an ordained minister in the Church of God (Anderson, Indiana) and a passionate advocate for holistic wellbeing – body, mind, soul, and spirit.

She is the host of Wellness Wednesday, a weekly faith-based online teaching series that inspires and equips viewers to live with biblical balance and meaningful purpose. Joyce studied at Anderson University, Mid-America Christian University, and Indiana Wesleyan University and is a lifelong learner, readily pursuing opportunities for personal development and ongoing training in ministry. She is passionate about empowering others through her organization, Well With You, addressing topics about life, love, and self-leadership. As a sought-after worship leader, writer, wellness workshop facilitator, and conference speaker across various denominations, Rev. Joyce is also an anointed vocalist and thought leader.

Presently, she and her husband of 25 years, Rev. Jimmy O. Terry, reside in Ellicott City, Maryland.

Post a comment