My Holiday thoughts: It’s the holiday season and many can’t wait till it is over. This is mainly because it triggers sad emotions especially if you have lost a love one. My mom passed during the holiday season and I felt it would never be the same again. I was right but for selfish reasons!!! We all know that change is inevitable but we never prepare for it because we may not have the skills too and it is NOT easy! I’ve learned that one must live with an “I will die too someday” mentality. I now think of my mom with happy memories and have adjusted to living without her and have grown so much in the process. It doesn’t mean that I may not get emotional at times, I do but I just don’t make it about me anymore e.g. what I’ve lost.
I don’t try to make sense out of events and tragedies that are out of my control anymore, I don’t use my knowledge or influence to scare people about why things are happening just for them to adopt my world-view.
The greatest piece of knowledge and gift I feel God has shared with me is what is lacking in our personal environment: It is how we treat each other. Yes, it is LOVE that is lacking. It is the reason why families, friends and churches are dividing. Ask yourself, “What if I or they had more love for each other in this situation” even if they disagreed? What would have been the end results? When dealing with people one must have skills in managing egos and emotions. I’ve learned that the only thing that can do this effectively is LOVE. When people know that you mean them well, even if they are mentally challenged, they respond. People respond to love.
Therefore, I’m on a journey to develop my love more, to always ask myself, “How am I loving” when dealing with people. I’ve spent many years searching for something that was right in front of me: That God is LOVE and he has given the power of love to all of us. It is just we have much fear in using or developing it. I’ve learned to embrace LOVE even if a thing doesn’t go my way. I’ve found peace in love because THIS for me is really what “being in the presence of God truly means.
So, Did God Tell You To….? Having a relationship with God and discerning his will is not some flaky thing where you hit a miss on decisions. It will always align with his reveal word and moral will. Scriptures states that, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God (Romans 12:2). Everything that pops in your head is not a message from God or his will.
Overtime, a pattern of decisions that we make is on display and what was God’s will is notably seen because it stood the test of time. God makes us wrestle because he wants our ability to discern trained by practice (Hebrews 5:14). Therefore, we should pray, go by God’s revealed word, follow a track record of years of experience, seek the wisdom and counsel of others and see the fruit of our decisions.
If something didn’t work out for you and you really felt God was giving it to you, if you didn’t seek the wisdom and counsel of those who have a track record and experience in those areas, you never tested that assumption or thought prior to making that decision and why it didn’t work out. Test those thoughts and ideas before you say “Thus saith the Lord.”
Still Single? Desiring complete certainty or guarantees is why so many are single today. They are NOT willing to risk heartbreak or disappointments. Therefore, a subconscious wall is built too high for anyone to climb, even those that are willing. Some even use God as their wall. I call it ‘self-made love sabotagers.” It is based on fear. How high is your wall? What defenses have you built to keep them in place and protect it? What stories you must tell yourself to keep this wall in tact? In 2022, do something different and learn what truly drives your decisions and what you are truly afraid of. What’s keeping you mate-less. I truly believe that God will give you the desires of your heart. But think about this: I believe that if your heart has a wall built around it, it means you DESIRE and seek protection from pain or NOT willing to risk it. This is not conducive to having a mate; therefore, you are getting the desires of your heart to be protected from exactly what it takes to have a mate. God is giving you this protection. Remember that God can only bless you to the capacity of your ability to understand and accept his blessing based on your level of consciousness. Open up in 2022 and learn to love knowing the risks. The reward of sharing your life with someone is much greater. I pray that this message encourages someone to reevaluate their fears.
Always challenge your thoughts by what is 100% true, not your assumptions. Don’t destroy your relationship because of bad thinking! It’s happening every day!
God does NOT choose your mate for you, YOU do– but he helps in many ways. That perfect mate for you will align with your purpose in life. But you must acquire and apply knowledge to choose correctly.
Are you ready for a relationship? When it becomes a CHOICE so you can give INSTEAD of a NECESSITY for what you need to get from someone is when you are ready. That’s the formula for God to bless.
Being in a relationship is full time; part-time is NOT available! Don’t apply if you are NOT ready.
It is too dangerous when a broken person marries another broken person. Usually they raise broken children. Getting spiritually, emotionally and physically healed is the only way to break this cycle.
“The Past is the Past” I hear this often and it is true. However, when you drag the baggage of your past into your current relationship, it is front and center right NOW! Things like jealousy, insecurities and being extremely guarded based on your past. Positive behavior and actions is an indicator whether or not your past is affecting you and your relationship right now.
Important Tip on Love Languages: This concept of knowing a person’s Love Languages has swept the country; for that matter the world. Relationship gurus are sharing it and you hear it everywhere. However, I’m not sure if there is clarity in implementing this strategy even from some gurus. So many come to me in my practice and say, “Phil, I understand his/her love language and doing it every day, but I just can’t win because it is NOT working–they must be bipolar.” Bipolar? Whew!!! This will be another topic to address.
First, this concept of love language is only a fraction of what you need to know to create an environment for your relationship to flourish but it’s a great start. You see, knowing your mate’s love language is NOT enough. One must understand the rules surrounding their preferred method: how many gifts, how much time to spend, how many acts of services, how often you should give words of affirmations and how much touch they need. If you have NOT experimented with discovering their rules and values around their love language, they could still feel unfulfilled in the relationship. I hope this tip helps someone.
Unhealed hurt from previous relationships is the main reason future relationships are destroyed. But worst, the unhealed person often thinks it is the other person at fault therefore constantly repeating the cycle.
Regardless to how immune one may think they are about negative comments or not surprise by those making them; if we are honest, those words do hurt. It’s just to what degree one will allow them to affect their current state. Pray for God’s wisdom before any reaction or taking any actions.
Getting and keeping a mate is often more about NOT doing what is popular. Learn to meet your mate’s needs and do what it takes to enhance your love life; even if your friends or family think you are crazy! Be the ONE out of the many that is actually happy in their relationship walk because they do what is effective, not what’s popular.
I’ve learned that God will meet you right where you are. Therefore it is important to know that it doesn’t mean that you WON”T perish from mistakes or limited knowledge. You must put in the effort and “learn to do well” So that God can meet YOU in a ever-so-growing better place. Intelligent people are always ready to learn. Their ears are open for knowledge. Proverbs 18:15 (NLT)
The world is filled with individuals who have pushed themselves to the front and was totally unprepared. They promoted themselves to a level of incompetence. Once a negative label is placed on you it sticks in that environment. So be patient. Don’t think that your season is over. God is preparing you for greatness by enriching your character and knowledge before you are pushed to the front. Stay on course and stay prepared. I hope this helps someone.
People of God, we have allowed the prince of darkness to control our lives and environment because of our ignorance. You see, ignorance is fuel to the flesh. Some of the primitive instincts of the flesh is anger, fear and bigotry. NOT racial bigotry as most think about when seeing that word but in all forms: e.g. “they are not like us or me” types. This could be religious denomination or cultures, political, class or status.
Galatians 5:17 speaks about the war between the flesh and the spirit. However, spiritual ignorance allows “Truth Benders” political or religious…
often get us to react to things that will destroy and divide us because it is not based on real facts; but what someone thinks is true.
Seek the truth and allow it to take you wherever it leads. Only truths will heal this land and allow you to self-correct, grow spiritually and get closer to God. Jesus said is John 8:12 that “I am the light of the world. Light is a metaphor for awareness and enlighten and darkness is ignorance.
The truth is my mission and I will allow it to take me wherever is leads.