We often hear that one must compromise within a relationship and I’ve said it before on occasions. The more I study and grow as a constant student of what drives human behavior; I’ve re-adjusted my thinking around this concept. Why? I’ve learned that if a compromise does not meet a need of an individual, even if one believes it is a fair agreement, that relationship is still doomed long-term. Compromising works well when dealing with strategic issues such as house work among other things within a family or a relationship but not really anywhere else within.
What works? It is all about meeting needs in a relationship. But here is the caveat and why I’m writing this post; I’ve seen so many singles and couples with dysfunctional individual needs that their mates are required to meet in order to make them happy.
For example, because of trust issues, a person may need their mate to do this or that, while they do this or that to them. Because of being insecure, they need their mate to do this or that while they do this or that to them. Because they need to feel extremely important, they need their mate to do this or that while they do this or that to feel important. It can be a mess!
I’ve noticed that there are two dominant needs that usually affect relationships the most. It is when one is driven to feel complete certainty and the need to be or feel significant in their relationships. They are important needs but if this is what driving a person, it usually ends in doom and gloom to find happiness anywhere.
These are the needs that fuel trust issues, insecurities and usually everything that creates havoc in relationships when a person is driven by them. If your mate loves you they may do everything to meet these needs at first but usually will burn-out in the long term. A dysfunctional vehicle to meet the needs of an emotionally dysfunctional person is what destroying relationships nowadays. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you have accomplished because this is a matter of the heart. This is this area where most have less skills in dealing with their greatest fears of being hurt or not feeling like they are enough to be loved. Meeting needs with this type of person is extremely difficult or virtually impossible.
Message: If you are NOT putting in the work on yourself and developing life skills to cope with matters of the heart and maintaining a relationship, you will NEVER be happy nor will anyone be happy with you in a relationship. If you are person of faith, God can NOT put this work in for you nor can he bless you over your non-work. It your responsibility, so it is best that you stop saying that he is working ON you. This is often an excuse for you to do nothing and feel good about it. God wants YOU to trust him but for YOU to help yourself. 2 Thessalonians 3:10 speaks about work and eating. It is the same principles for benefiting in anything else including relationships. When you turn to James 2:18 and in James 2:18 you will see how having faith without working on yourself is a moot issue. If you truly want a lasting happy relationship, you must put in the WORK on yourself so that your needs are NOT so difficult to meet!!!!
I hope this really helps someone.
