There was this little boy named Tyler who grew up with an abusive father in the home. His father always showed hatred towards Tyler. He would curse at him and call him all sorts of names. “You stupid *&%$^!” he would yell. “You’ll never be anything!” He would totally tear down Tyler with his words. Not only was he verbally abusive, but he was physically abusive as well. On one occasion Tyler’s father trapped him in a corner and beat him with a vacuum cord. He hit him over and over again until flesh started peeling off of his bone. On another occasion his father tackled him and Tyler grabbed a hold of a chained-in fence as he was being beaten. He held on to this fence so tight that his hands became bloody. His father beat him so bad that he passed out for three days. It got so bad, Tyler became suicidal. He thought to himself, “What is the point of living?” He slit his wrist, but thank God he survived. Life wasn’t looking too good for Tyler. Even as an adult, Tyler still had a fear of his father.
But Tyler’s life eventually began to change. Out of a dark place, he started writing down everything that had happened to him, but he was using different characters’ names. A friend of his saw it and said,
“Man, this would make a really good play.”
Tyler, Mr. Tyler Perry, eventually became successful with his plays. Tyler now is a multi-millionaire and a Hollywood Mogul. He is the first African American man to own a movie studio. Forbes named him the second highest earning man in Hollywood. He’s appeared on the Oprah Winfrey show several times. Once on her show, he even shared his story about his father’s abuse. When he finished telling this horrific story Oprah stated,
“And yet, I know this, that you still take care of him. You still send him a check every month. You still have him living in a beautiful mansion in Louisiana. You still provide for him. You still do all of that?”
And Tyler’s response was,
“I do…because I forgave him.”
LET IT GO!
Tyler chose to remain faithful to a Bible principle that says, “Honor your father and your mother…” Many do not understand this. You, yourself, may be wondering, “Why is he still taking care of his father after all the wrong he’s done?” Maybe it’s because you’ve never experienced true forgiveness. Or maybe it’s because you’re still carrying around unforgiveness. Did someone hurt you in the past? Have you been done wrong? Were you abused? Were you discriminated? Did someone fire you? Are you holding a grudge? It’s time for you to take responsibility and LET IT GO! I know that’s easier said than done.
“Every one says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive.” ~ C.S. Lewis
The energy that it took for you to endure the pain, it’s going to take just as much energy to forgive. Forgiveness is not easy, but it’s necessary. It’s not something that you ‘want’ to do, but it’s something that you ‘need’ to do.
“All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you.” ~ Wayne Dyer
Sometimes you have to FORGIVE to LIVE. Many people aren’t truly living, because they’re still stuck in the past. You have to take responsibility. You have to give up blaming. You will never prosper as long as you continue to blame someone or something else for your lack of success. You can’t do anything about yesterday, but you can do a lot about tomorrow. Create your future from your seeds, not your past. If you create your future from your past, then your future will look just like your past. For example, just because you didn’t have a father growing up is not an excuse for you not to be one. Just because abuse was in your house is not an excuse for you to do it. Any lesson unlearned is repeated. If you keep on doing what you’ve always done, you’ll keep on getting what you’ve always got.
FORGIVENESS IS AN ACTION WORD.
Unforgiveness is a puppet master. If you’re connected to it, then you’re the puppet. It’s time to cut the strings.
“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” ~ Nelson Mandela
When you hold animosity, you’re only hurting yourself while they’re living their life.
“And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him and let it drop (leave it, let it go), in order that your Father Who is in heaven may also forgive you your [own] failings and shortcomings and let them drop” Mark 11:25 AMP
TAKE 100% RESPONSIBILITY.
“I imagine that one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, that they will be forced to deal with pain.” ~ James Baldwin
Sometimes we hold on to hate as our only protection. We often disguise it as a strong grudge. We dress it up as fault. We point the finger and say,
“Look at what they did.” We often believe that other people’s sins justify our hate. Should you be upset? Of course you should. I think something is wrong with a person who doesn’t get mad when they’ve been done wrong. But you can’t hold on to that. When you hold on to what they’ve done, then the sin wins. The event is painful enough, but the process of repeating it in your mind can be detrimental. Forgiveness is how you win. You can’t GO on until you LET GO.
”Above all things have intense and unfailing love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sins [forgives and disregards the offenses of others].” 1 Peter 4:8 AMP
GET RID OF THE GORILLA!
In his book “GETTING RID OF THE GORILLA: Confessions on the Struggle to Forgive” Brian Jones stated:
“Living with an unforgiving heart is like living with a GORILLA…strong enough to kill you but domesticated enough to sit down with you and your kids on the living room floor and eat pepperoni pizza and chug seventeen cans of root beer. A GORILLA that doesn’t know he can leave because you’ve never told him, a GORILLA you can get used to having around if you’re desperate enough. That’s what it’s like to live with an UNFORGIVING HEART.”
You must examine yourself to see if you have been blaming God, people, or the past. Then loose if from your life. Study on the subject of forgiveness and ask God what He wants you to learn from it. Get your concordance or Bible Promise Book and search out the Scriptures that talk about forgiveness. Finally, make a quality decision to take 100% responsibility.
BILLIE MILLER “The Motivational Minister” is a Bible teacher, speaker, and a #1 Amazon Bestselling Author. Thousands of lives have been changed through Billie’s powerful teachings. For more information please visit www.BillieMiller.com. Follow Billie on Instagram & Twitter (@BillieMiller7) and on Facebook (BillieMillerPage).